blind_deliverer

If the Christian stance on 'right to life' has anything to do with man not having the right to play God, why is the argument not as fiercely adamant about infertility treatments. ( cut to spare  )

I noticed myself a shadow of my former self.  Just drone.  No drive.  No ambition.  Opposite world.  YAZ zapped it out of me.  Sure, I peddled along calmly.  Huge difference from having the coping skills to maintain calm and being drugged into submission.  I feel like I blew two months of my life.  I quit cold turkey.  I'll try something else.  Maybe if I were bipolar, it would help skew me more toward the median.  As it is, I'm quite balanced even in my hormonal challenges.  I like to feel...so what I thought of a hormonal neutralizer seems more like taking myself out of the game.  And I want to play.  Let me in this thing, Coach.  I know I can win.

My husband only claims the Filipino part of heritage. Somehow he imagines himself 100% Pacific Islander. He hates that he's part Caucasian. Then some conversation Filipino this, Filipino that.  I couldn't hold back any longer.  It's been almost six years.  I don't care.  I feel beyond race.  I forget definitions and labels.  Classified?  I am who I think I am. And I love me. I appreciate diversity, but really we're the same even in our differences.  Our experiences are shaped as more by environment more so than the texture and tone of skin.  I understand class more than race.  The have, the have nots,and then there's the general population.    Very West Coast of me, I know, but  to think that morals and principles have anything to do with race is bigotry within itself.
"Your mother's maiden name is clearly French, Joe;" 
Of course, she's Filipina.  I just wanted him to realize everything and everyone are diluted products, but still he is who he thinks he is.
We both rushed to Google.  Of course, I'm right. Pfftt...My point was who the hell cares.

Why do I suddenly seek out coupons like I'm on a Navy destroyer?  Don't know.  I won't remember them, but it's been a fun passtime lately.  Googling a specific coupon.  Me?  I'm the one who usually buys the Sunday paper throwing out that annoying coupon section.  Find. Print. Clip.  Me?  Something's amiss.  Is something amiss?( It's just my imagination, I know that...Don't I? )

We pretty much have it arranged so that I have no real use for child care.  Joe works nights.  I work days.  We meet in the middle.  It's viable.  Last weekend, he had Reserve drill.  Instead of staying home with the boys, I used the opportunity to take them to a private school/daycare I wanted to try.  They loved it.   Josh, who clings to me like Mommy equals Holy Grail, loved it.    I should have known my efforts at a little breathing room would not go unpunished.  OF COURSE, Josh nose leaks and drips now.  Of course, he sneezed all that night.  Naturally, he ran a low grade fever.  The joy luck of keeping the kids sequestered from traditional, standard child care which trusts that parents of children who truly run sick will keep their Ebola monkeys home.  No such luck. Still, Josh is the happiest boy who ever sneezed. 

I cleaned for the past two days. Houston's last projected winter chill of the season hit harder than expected. Temps remained well above zero. Snow did not fall. But the cold, wet rain dampened my indulgent plans. So, home I remained. Cleaning.
The scouring extends to spaces in my life further out of reach, but complete catharsis comes at a definite price.
I would love to say enlightenment has given way to the immaculate truth in knowing for certain my direction for the rest of 2009. No rash decisions. I twisted my mind around many possibilities. The outcome changes the more things differ from the same. It reminds me of  The Butterfly Effect crossed with  Back to the Future.   One factor shifted a fraction to the left equals the alternate between victory and epic failure. Nothing in between.  So what should I do?  I weigh positives for potency and performance.  How will this benefit me? Will this improve my situation?  If it's pretty slim in that department, it's no longer a viable option.
In times past, confusion spontaneously guided me to somewhere...else.  Somewhere that I am not.  Somewhere away from it all.  Like flipping the do-over button.  For the first time, restarting scares me.  But the urge to change scenery grows stronger daily.  I cannot control it.  One day, I will find myself on a boat, bus, train, plane....well maybe I will drive.  I can't leave my car. 
Places I'm considering (and as with anything I've researched these cities on Forbes.com, Money.com, citydata.com,etc.):

San Antonio ; Austin, Texas;  Charlotte, N.C.; Dallas; San Jose, Calif.; Raleigh, N.C.; Salt Lake City; and Seattle. Or simply remaining in Houston which is not such a bad place once I make more connections and dig deeper roots.  I just haven't fully invested myself into living here. I had no say in the decision to move here, so maybe it reminds me of a long gone moment powerlessness. Maybe I should let bygones be.  Or maybe I should find out what else life has for me.

If I have any friends left here, lol...I'm one of those Facebook addicts you read about on television....so I'm pretty much more there than here...or on any website for that matter. I'm logging in tomorrow to catch up. Sorry!

And Brangelina lost on every front. Now, I'm waiting for Houston to finally get the Wrestler so I can know what I'm so happy about.

It's one thing that she has a machine gun for a leg. It's a whole different entity that she shoots it with fingering the trigger. Exploitation film with coherent semblance of plausibility=unrealistic expectation

If you see this, quote Supernatural in your LJ! snagged from irishka1205.
"Wow, give you a couple of severed heads and a pile of dead cows and you're Mister Sunshine."

We took the boys to the zoo. So, if that sets the tone for the entire year...then we're a happy family unit. But unlike our usual off peak visits, the rest of Houston did the same thing as it was a free day at the zoo.
I cooked the usual blackeyed peas for luck, cabbage for wealth, among other fruit, veggies, and grains.
The concept of starting out fresh brings to mind Alexander Pope's Eloisa to Abelard, specifically the passage that goes...
How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd;

I forgot to mention that I cut back my hours so that I can spend more time with the boys. Thankful that my job is so cool about it.

"C'est quoi ce merdier ?" You owe me half of a cent LJ!!  I'm docking you for outage.  I'm waving my fist at you now!  Don't pretend you don't see me!!! Merde!

Ummm, I said something extremely rude today.    A young lady walked in.  Too young for those bags, lines, and discoloration.  I more than suggested an eye cream.   "Oh, I hope you find something that you can use."  I'm so rude sometimes....usually not so out loud.


I missed church on Sunday.  Happens to be the sermon in which my pastor, Dr. Ed Young, commissioned all married members of the congregation to have sex for seven straight days.  Good stuff! 

My mom gave me a Christmas bonus!  Surprise money is always fun!

Okay, I love those Winchester boys...mainly Dean.  But, Sam's (Jared P.'s) style has never occurred to me as being noteworthy.  Definitely, I am wrong.  Sugar wouldn't lie. 

( umberella warning in case you like that kind of thing... )

Otherwise, I'm an evolutionary being.  I notice that I embrace change and improvement daily ever working on my inner Thandie.  Fandom is so funny.  I spoke to a client about her skin and such including which foundations would be healthier for her skin...by the way Smashbox makes a truly wonderful adjustable coverage anti-oxidant rich foundation product...which is what I mentioned to her....to which she asked,
"Is that what you use?" 
"Uh, no."
" Then what do you use, I want what you use your skin looks so perfect."
"Chanel's Vitalumiere.  But I only use it because Thandie Newton does.  I cop her."
"Oh, you kind of look like her."
"Ummm. No. I don't.  I wish."  Awkward look as I sound a mite crazed.  I cannot express how weird that came out.  "But if you want skin like mine, I definitely recommend Perricone's Advanced Face Firming Activator.  It's a workhorse packed with glycolic and alpha lipoic acid....blah blah (attempting to save)."
I did make the sale by the way....But my style icons obsessions are not going anywhere.  I'm a vegetarian...all I do is go vegan, but I'm so borderline anemic that that would not work.
Anyway, back to the plan....the one in which I'm a yeah, you heard right....LOL

My husband got a job!!  YAY!  I'm quite thankful for that.

Good day of sales this morning even after starting the day frustrated from road rage.  Or should I say parking lot rage. I loathe people who hover over a parking spot while tons of others are trying to move.  Stop interrupting my life!!  But it was a good day.    I changed cell phone service providers because I'm getting abused by high fees and low coverage areas.  Darn AT&T!
I bought all of the holiday entrees and ingredients for the desserts I'm preparing.   Pecan pie, chess pie, and I'm buying an Italian Cream Cake from Central Market.  Yum!  I'm making sinagang, seafood gumbo, pancit, edamame green bean thingy that I like to whip up, and still deciding on the rest.  We're not travelling anywhere I have so many days off that I'd love to cherish them with my nuclear family.
My boss gave us productivity reports.  She thinks I'm awesome, but I saw room for improvement when I peeked at the two people ahead of me.    Motivation for a successful 2009!!